first trimester miscarriage, recurrent miscarriage, third trimester loss, second trimester loss, progesterone, hope after miscarriage, hope after pregnancy loss, healthy baby

When asked what I wanted to be when I grew up, I always answered "a mom."  That's it, plain and simple.  A mom.  My husband,  Justin,  and I had been dating for 4 years when we found out we were pregnant.  I can assure you, we did everything to prevent this before marriage, but apparently there was a bigger plan for us.  A plan that we happily accepted and knew was sent just to us!  Noah was born September 13, 2002, induced 2 weeks late after being in preterm labor since 20 weeks.  A perfect, happy, healthy little boy.  Oh the joys that came from our son!

After 2 years of marriage and our son being almost 4, we decided it was time to add to our family.  The thought of an only child just didn't make sense in our hearts and minds, so we began trying to fulfill our plan.  Boom!  Pregnant!  Almost instantly!  Noah was so easy to conceive that we were not at all surprised by how quickly it happened and we had no fears that it would be any different than a normal pregnancy.  Wrong.  So wrong.  Our first miscarriage was at 8 weeks gestation.  While I can assure you we were heartbroken, I can also tell you that we thanked God for the healthy child we had at home and chalked it up to a sad moment in time.   A sad time that surely wouldn't happen again.  And again, we were wrong.

Over the next 2 years we had 5 more miscarriages.  Aging anywhere from 2 days late for my period and just 2 faint pink lines,  to 20 weeks!!!  The stages of grief ranged from pure disbelief in our doctors words, to shear despair and profound grief where I felt I could not go on. On the DAY of our 20 week appointment with our 7th pregnancy,  my fears were gone.  I made it this far!  How could anything go wrong?  Doctors visits went as planned.  Heartbeat was strong.  Ultrasound was scheduled for the next day to find out the sex.  We made it.  We were over the hump!  Wrong.  Again.  That night while sitting on the couch with my husband and son, I felt absolutely NO pain.  I felt a gush, went to the bathroom fully expecting that my water had broken to find frisbee size clots in my pants and toilet.  We rushed to the hospital for an ultrasound to be told there was nothing there.  Nothing in my sac.  Nothing!  How was that possible? Our doctor called us while in the waiting room and simply told us this news and said to go home and we'd talk in the morning.  How do you go home and just wait?  We heard a heartbeat just 12 hours earlier and were due to find out the sex less than 12 hours later.  No explanation was given.  Ever.  We spent many times in Chicago throughout all of these losses and were told nothing was wrong with either of us.  No one could give us answers. 

That night, we decided that maybe our plan was to have an only child. Don't get me wrong, we had our nightmares.  One night, Justin woke me in a panic!  We had to name ALL of our angel babies, right then and there.  We couldn't leave them up in heaven nameless!  Alas, we gave up trying.  We focused all of our everything on our perfect 3 man team.  Us, and our son, Noah.  This was our life and we had to be ok with it.  And we were.  So very happy!  We didn't just give up.  We stopped thinking about it. Never spoke of it.  Just moved on. 

And then?!?!  One day I took a test just because I wasn't "feeling quite right" and there were 2 STRONG pink lines staring back at me.  If that wasn't a sign, I don't know what is!  I'd never seen that before.  They were always questionable.  2 STRONG PINK LINES!!!  I called my OBGYN and she fit me in within hours due to our history.  An ultrasound was performed and there they were...2 small sacs.  Still too small to see much as I was only 5 weeks, but they were there.  I didn't believe it and surely didn't understand what our sweet ultrasound tech was saying, "2 babies!"  "Yes, one in my tummy and one at home."  "No, Cori, 2 in your tummy!"   It took the priceless look on my husband's face for it to finally sink in.  Two weeks later, it was confirmed that there were indeed 2 strong heartbeats! I won't go into the next 7 months of horror and nonstop problems, but I will share the exciting news! Hope & Grace (2 STRONG PINK LINES) were born naturally at 32 weeks on May 20, 2009 (also my father's 64th birthday).

While I can't, and would never, tell someone that everything works out for a reason for everyone, I can tell you it finally did for us.  I can give this piece of advice~ YOU must fight for you!  If you feel something is off,  or KNOW something isn't right (I firmly believe in Mother's Intuition even at 2 days gestation), you must make yourself be heard!  While I grew to accept that "nothing was wrong with me," I knew better.  I demanded something be done to at least try and save these two little pink lines! How could my body just discard 6 beautiful babies?  So, we decided to "try" progesterone suppositories and they worked like a charm. If you are seeing someone who agrees that nothing is wrong and this is just your plan, go somewhere else!   Advocate for yourself, and find a doctor who will cheer right along with you through each and every struggle.  Our doctor let us "try" this approach and we continued use until 6 months gestation, and now we are a 5 man team that is happy and full!  Noah is 14, and Hope & Grace are 7.  We just knew Noah wasn't meant to be an only child, and our plan unfolded in the way it was meant.  For had it not, we wouldn't be where we are today.  Unfortunately, one must endure some of the saddest times in their life to eventually have a little Hope & Grace.  We feel lucky to have ours! It was our plan all along!