recurrent miscarriage, hope after miscarriage, hope after pregnancy loss, healthy baby, stillborn, stillbirth, second trimester loss

*Please note this story includes a picture of precious AJ who was born sleeping.

My story began in May 2011 when I had my first miscarriage after 6 months of trying.  We conceived in Feb 2011.  I miscarried on the 3rd of May at 14 weeks gestation.  At first, I didn't know what was happening.  I woke up around 9 am spotting, so I rang my GP.  He said to call in and he'll give me a letter for the early pregnancy unit in the hospital.  I got ready to leave, but at 9:30, I felt very heavy bleeding so I went to the toilet and I had a large, what I thought was a clot (clenched fist in size), on my underwear.  I later was told I had miscarried and what I thought was a clot was my baby.  

I was devastated.  Very foolishly we tried again and got pregnant again straight away, but miscarried again at 9 weeks.  This hit hard.  We stopped trying for 18 months.  I feIl pregnant again on my honeymoon in April 2013 to sadly lose again. This time at 16 weeks gestation.  

At this point, we thought this was it for us.  I fell pregnant again Valentine's Day 2014.  I was so excited but so worried.  All we could do was count down the days until 20 weeks gestation so we would be 4 weeks further than my last miscarriage.  I was so excited at this appointment.  We even found out the gender of our baby.  We were having a boy. :-D  This was both exciting and worrying as one reason we were given for consecutive miscarriages was that maybe I couldn't carry boys as I had a daughter already and her pregnancy was a perfect pregnancy and she was now 5.  But, we crossed our fingers (and everything else) and hoped for the best.  I had a fairly smooth pregnancy, but on my due date, tragedy struck after 6 hours of what I thought was normal labour, and my son was born sleeping.  Totally devastated, I said no more. 

Having to bury my son was the hardest thing I ever had to do. My daughter would be my one and only...but the universe had other plans for me. 

My husband and I were practically ready to call it a day on our marriage as the last 3 years had just been too much to get through.  Four weeks after a friend's wedding, and a last drunken night together which if I'm honest I don't remember much of, I found out I was PREGNANT.  All sorts of emotions took me over, FEAR - I couldn't lose another baby, SHOCK - How did this happen with my marriage practically over, HOPE - Could this be the universe saying give it one more try, JOY - I had a baby growing inside me and I was praying that this little one wouldn't be taken from me.  As you can expect, every day was a worry.  Just one more day.  Before, I had just wished for the 20 week mark, now it was like 40 weeks can't come fast enough. 

At 20 weeks, I got this awful pain across my lower abdomen and feared the worst.  We flew into the hospital expecting a scan to reveal the worst, but baby was checked and all was ok to my biggest relief.  I cried uncontrollably. They couldn't figure out why I was in so much pain, but I didn't care once my baby was ok.  Eventually, they came to the conclusion it was my appendix :-( Fear struck me down again. They told me the risks of an operation, that I could miscarry, but that I needed to have it removed or we could both die if it ruptured. 

I had the operation and all went well. Thank God. I ended up in the same room that I spent with my son AJ for the few days he was with us. I felt his presence and definitely feel he kept us safe. 

At 38 weeks, I was induced and gave birth to my beautiful RAINBOW BABY BOY ADAM. He is now 10 months old and thriving.

I am grateful every day for him. I will forever miss my AJ & 3 angel babies, but Adam was my happy ending :-D 

That is my story of sadness, but a piece of joy in my rainbow after all the loss and hardship.  Below is a picture of my angel in heaven, AJ, and my rainbow and piece of joy after heartache, Adam. 

Thank you for reading my story. 

 

Kindest regards 

Edel Ennis-Cooney