*Please note this story includes a picture of precious AJ who was born sleeping.
My story began in May 2011 when I had my first miscarriage after 6 months of trying. We conceived in Feb 2011. I miscarried on the 3rd of May at 14 weeks gestation. At first, I didn't know what was happening. I woke up around 9 am spotting, so I rang my GP. He said to call in and he'll give me a letter for the early pregnancy unit in the hospital. I got ready to leave, but at 9:30, I felt very heavy bleeding so I went to the toilet and I had a large, what I thought was a clot (clenched fist in size), on my underwear. I later was told I had miscarried and what I thought was a clot was my baby.
I was devastated. Very foolishly we tried again and got pregnant again straight away, but miscarried again at 9 weeks. This hit hard. We stopped trying for 18 months. I feIl pregnant again on my honeymoon in April 2013 to sadly lose again. This time at 16 weeks gestation.
At this point, we thought this was it for us. I fell pregnant again Valentine's Day 2014. I was so excited but so worried. All we could do was count down the days until 20 weeks gestation so we would be 4 weeks further than my last miscarriage. I was so excited at this appointment. We even found out the gender of our baby. We were having a boy. :-D This was both exciting and worrying as one reason we were given for consecutive miscarriages was that maybe I couldn't carry boys as I had a daughter already and her pregnancy was a perfect pregnancy and she was now 5. But, we crossed our fingers (and everything else) and hoped for the best. I had a fairly smooth pregnancy, but on my due date, tragedy struck after 6 hours of what I thought was normal labour, and my son was born sleeping. Totally devastated, I said no more.
Having to bury my son was the hardest thing I ever had to do. My daughter would be my one and only...but the universe had other plans for me.
My husband and I were practically ready to call it a day on our marriage as the last 3 years had just been too much to get through. Four weeks after a friend's wedding, and a last drunken night together which if I'm honest I don't remember much of, I found out I was PREGNANT. All sorts of emotions took me over, FEAR - I couldn't lose another baby, SHOCK - How did this happen with my marriage practically over, HOPE - Could this be the universe saying give it one more try, JOY - I had a baby growing inside me and I was praying that this little one wouldn't be taken from me. As you can expect, every day was a worry. Just one more day. Before, I had just wished for the 20 week mark, now it was like 40 weeks can't come fast enough.
At 20 weeks, I got this awful pain across my lower abdomen and feared the worst. We flew into the hospital expecting a scan to reveal the worst, but baby was checked and all was ok to my biggest relief. I cried uncontrollably. They couldn't figure out why I was in so much pain, but I didn't care once my baby was ok. Eventually, they came to the conclusion it was my appendix :-( Fear struck me down again. They told me the risks of an operation, that I could miscarry, but that I needed to have it removed or we could both die if it ruptured.
I had the operation and all went well. Thank God. I ended up in the same room that I spent with my son AJ for the few days he was with us. I felt his presence and definitely feel he kept us safe.
At 38 weeks, I was induced and gave birth to my beautiful RAINBOW BABY BOY ADAM. He is now 10 months old and thriving.
I am grateful every day for him. I will forever miss my AJ & 3 angel babies, but Adam was my happy ending :-D
That is my story of sadness, but a piece of joy in my rainbow after all the loss and hardship. Below is a picture of my angel in heaven, AJ, and my rainbow and piece of joy after heartache, Adam.
Thank you for reading my story.