As I went through my miscarriage and infertility journey, it felt as though other aspects of my life were unraveling as well. As much as I wanted to continue living my life, it was difficult to be around friends and family who unknowingly triggered my bitterness, anger and sadness because they were blessed with healthy babies. My support circle felt fragile and changed. I believe this can happen with any difficult situation we encounter in life. If you can relate to this, I hope you find this article helpful. I know I did.
Do you ever wish someone could pinpoint and describe your grief so you finally feel understood? This post spoke to me and put into words everything I would have wanted to hear during my struggles.
When I was diagnosed with a complete septate uterus, I was devastated. Not only was I concerned about the two early miscarriages I had already, but now I was hearing that I was at a high risk for second and third trimester loss. I searched frantically online to find others who shared my uterine anomaly and were able to deliver healthy babies but was disappointed to find mostly struggles. Soon after we decided not to have surgery to remove the septum, I was pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy. I want to share my story to give hope to anyone diagnosed with a septate uterus that positive outcomes are possible.
We all deal with pain differently. When I was going through my pregnancy losses and infertility, it was difficult for me to consider the pain that my husband was feeling because I was in such a dark place. This article was written by a man after their miscarriage. He shares his feelings and honesty about what he was going through.
I really like the part of the article that gives advice on how to help a loved one dealing with loss. The suggestion that touched me the most was to persevere in your concern. This was a great reminder for me as I support others, but also a message I wish I could have sent to loved ones during my struggles. It often felt as though my pain was forgotten by others and I was expected to move on when I was not ready. It is easy to show support immediately after a loss, but how often do people follow up in the weeks, months, or even years after? This is a reminder that everyone heals in their own time and they need support through their entire journey.
Recurrent pregnancy loss leaves little room for hope. It takes an amazing amount of courage to move beyond the fear and pain and put yourself out there to try again. These families understand the pain and emotions that accompany multiple losses. They are also proof that positive outcomes are possible. Please know that these links contain birth stories and may be difficult to read for some individuals still on their journey to parenthood.
Read another story of hope from Brianna Walker. She not only suffered multiple miscarriages, but went on to start a support group to help those dealing with pregnancy and infant loss. She is a great inspiration and offers hope to many.
Can we make sense of it? There is no right or wrong way to feel. I didn't know that when I was struggling with early miscarriages. I was constantly down on myself for not moving forward, yet I was still holding on to the pain of my losses. A member of our Hope Community posted a link to an article that I wish I would have read when I was in the heart of my struggles. It offers a story of honesty and can help bring language to the mix of emotions you are feeling. It reminds us that feelings are ok, good or bad, and we need to give them the attention they deserve in order to move toward healing.
My two miscarriages were the first experiences I had with pregnancy. Each loss left me feeling empty inside, and it was difficult to find reasons to move forward. At that time, it seemed as though things would have been easier and the pain would have been less if I had been blessed with a child before my losses. Through my journey, I have connected with many families who have dealt with loss after having healthy children. These families have their own painful experiences and show us that all losses, even after the blessing of a healthy child, are relevant, painful and absolutely life changing. All losses are heartbreaking.
"Our Carriage" Pregnancy and Infant Loss Support Group will be meeting in Valparaiso, IN on Thursday, February 18, 7 pm, at Christ Lutheran Church. If you are not local, they also share hope and support on Facebook at Our Carriage Group. It is a great community of women.
If you are looking for support after a loss, we highly recommend the Our Carriage support group located in Northwest Indiana. The women in this group are kind, honest, and open-hearted. If you are not in the area, they also have a Facebook group that you are welcome to join to gain support and share your feelings in a safe place. Please visit the link below.
It is difficult to stay patient when you know with every part of your being that you want to have a child. The most difficult part is knowing that so much is out of your control. Meditation made me feel like I could make some effort to heal and prepare my body for pregnancy again, when I felt like almost everything else was out of my hands. This free meditation program by Circle + Bloom is a great guided meditation for finding a moment of peace in this difficult journey. It can also be found on our additional resources page.
"Our Carriage" Pregnancy and Infant Loss Support Group will be meeting in Valparaiso, IN on Thursday, January 21, 7 pm, at Christ Lutheran Church. If you are not local, they also share hope and support on Facebook at Our Carriage Group. It is a great community of women.
Our wish is to offer inspiring resources to help families going through miscarriage and pregnancy loss. More blog posts to come!